A Yu YuSummer Night's Dream
by Ryoken
Summary: Yes, I make the yyh cast perform A Mid-Summer Night's Dream! And with almost no rehersal time, what incredibly humorous mistakes will occur? Rated for Japanese and English cussing alike. Updated!
1. The Tryouts

Yes, it's here, the Shakespearian play A Midsummer Night's Dream done by the Yu Yu Hakusho Characters! XD *all cheer* Yesh, I know I should finish up my other works, I'll get to it when I get to it. I don't own AMND or Yu Yu Hakusho charries.

A Yu Yu HakushoSummer Night's Dream

By Ryoken

(Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama, Boton, Koenma (in teen form), Jin, Touya, Chuu, Keiko, Shizuru, Suzuka, Shishiwakamaru, Koto, Juri, and Rinku, walk into a huge auditorium that's about half the size of the dark tournament stadium that the semi-finals and finals took place in.)

???-*from the very front row where they can only see a speck* Yay, you're all here finally!!

Kurama-*squinting* Who's that?

All but Kurama- *shrugs*

(A little girl comes running up the aisle. She has bright blonde hair in a ponytail and a blue bandana covering her head. She's wearing a blue windbreaker and jeans with sneakers. She's smiling widely.)

???- She'll be so happy you all came! Thank you for coming to try out for the play A MidSummer Night's Dream! My name's Triwatch, come with me!

(They follow the bouncing hyperactive kid down to the front row where a table is set up with a stack of scripts.)

Triwatch-*takes out a clipboard from nowhere* Ok! Now who here's trying out for the part of Lysander...?

Hiei- *interrupting* You dragged me all the way down here to try out for some play??!

Yusuke- Yeah, that's about right.

Hiei- -_- No way in Makai am I trying out for some baka ningen play...*goes off grumbling into a different row to watch the others make fools of themselves*

Yusuke- *snaps fingers* Shimatta. Thought we'd get away with it.

All but Triwatch, Yusuke, and Hiei- ^^()

Triwatch- Anyway...*brightly*Anyone trying out for the part of Lysander, please take a script and stand on the stage!

(Yusuke, Shishi, Koenma, and Chuu go on stage. At Triwatch's mark, they said their parts and left the stage when they were finished. This went on for a good few hours, in which Hiei took a nap.)

Triwatch- Thank you for trying out! The parts will be posted on the door as you walk out!

Yusuke- Already?? That's fast...

(Everyone goes up to look at the list and are shocked to see that no one got the part that they had wanted, except for Rinku, who had tried out to be Puck.) 

Yusuke- What in the name of Makai...*laughs loudly* Hey Hiei, looks like you've got a part anyway!!

Hiei- *wakes up immediately* WHAT?!!?!?

(Hiei runs as fast as possible. There he sees his name posted.)

Hiei- What the hell is going on?!?! *To Triwatch* I demand to speak to whoever made these decisions!

Voice over the speaker- You don't like my decisions, tough. I've got the blackmail to make you do it, concerning a certain ice apparition...

Hiei- You wouldn't!

VOTS- I would indeedy!

Hiei- *grumbles*

VOTS- And if anyone else objects to their parts, I can assure you that I've got the means to make you take the part, just like Hiei. Thank you for coming, and have a nice day!

All- *gulp and sweatdrop*

(They all leave with a script in their hand, some more than others in order to give it to those who weren't present and somehow got a part.)

The parts were posted as follows-

Theseus- Yusuke

Hippolyta- Keiko

Philostrate- Jorge

Egeus- Shishiwakamaru

Hermia- Yukina

Lysander- Kurama

Demetrius- Hiei

Helena- Miyuki

Peter Quince- Chuu

Nick Bottom- Kuwabara

Francis Flute- Jin

Tom Snout- Touya

Snug- Rando

Robin Starveling- Suzuka

Oberon- Koenma (teenager form)

Titania- Botan

Puck- Rinku

Peaseblossom- Shizuru

Cobweb- Genkai 

Moth- Koenma (in baby form)

Mustardseed- Suzaku

Fairy 1- Koto

Fairy 2- Juri

Extra attendants- random demons and ogres

Extra Faeries- random girl anthro demons

If you don't like who got what part, tough. You'll just have to deal with it just like the YYH characters do. Or you could just no read the story. *shrugs*


	2. Act 1, scene 1

Hey, it's the first act! Please forgive me if some characters are OOC, I don't know everyone's personality yet since I haven't seen any episodes past the dark tournament.

A Yu Yu-Summer Night's Dream

By Ryoken

(After only two days of practice, the cast is summoned back to the auditorium for more information about the play.)

All cast members- WHAT?!!?!?

Voice over the Speakers- That's right, I'm afraid opening night has been moved from three weeks from tomorrow to tomorrow night. We had to move to the date so that it would come out before a different play was showing. All costumes and scenery have been adjusted so that everything is ready for tomorrow night. All that is needed is for the actors to memorize their lines as quickly as possible. Sorry for the inconvenience.

All- *grumble*

Hiei- This whole play is an inconvenience.

VOTS- I heard that.

Hiei- -_-() Who is this guy anyway?

Triwatch- Why, the writer of course!

All- WHAT?! RYOKEN!?!?!?!?!

Ryoken- *meekly over the speakers* Um, meow?

Suzaku- Why have you done this?! I'M A FAIRY, FOR GODS' SAKE!!!!!

Ryoken- Cause there weren't enough people who tried out.

Suzaku- And you had to make me a FAIRY!?!!?!?!?

Ryoken- Erm, yeah.

Suzaku- _+ When I get my hands on you...

Ryoken- Meep. Erm, well, I gotta go, jaa ne!!

(Triwatch disappears and the cast is left alone to practice. All sigh. They go and practice until opening night. The auditorium is filled with demons of all kinds, ogres from the Reikai, fangirls, and other people. In order to prevent a few fights and deaths, the humans and demons have been separated into the left side of the auditorium and the right side. Backstage, everyone is getting into costumes and still going over their lines. Suddenly the missing girl Triwatch appears at the backdoor.)

Triwatch- Hiya everybody! Let's see, *looks at clipboard* where's Jorge?

Jorge- Korede.

Triwatch- Who isn't here yet?

Jorge- Miyuki. No one's even seen her around for the past three days.

Triwatch- Understood! That means her understudy will have to take the part...

Jorge- *whispering* We have understudies?

Triwatch- *whispering too* Yeah, just in case something happens. 

Jorge- Who's Miyuki's understudy then?

Triwatch- Ryoken. She told me*mouth is covered up by Ryoken*

Ryoken- Such an adorable little girl, isn't she? Ehehe...

Jorge- *scratches head* Erm, right. *Goes off to do something*

Ryoken- *lets go of hand over Triwatch's mouth* Ok, now is everything ready, Triwatch?

Triwatch- I dunno, I just got here like you did. I'll go check. *Goes to see if everything is in order*

Keiko- Oh hey, Ryoken. Why are you wearing that costume?

Ryoken- I'm Miyuki's understudy.

Keiko- Ohhhh. *In a low voice* You never informed her, did you?

Ryoken- Nope.

Keiko- I thought so.

Ryoken- ^^() Anyway, is everything going as it should?

Keiko- We've had a few problems here and there, but basically everyone's as ready as they can be in only three days time.

Ryoken- Hey, there really were circumstances beyond my control!!!

Keiko- Riiiiight...

Ryoken- I'm serious!!

(Triwatch comes running back.)

Triwatch- Everything's ready!!

Ryoken- Good. Now, it's time for you to announce the beginning of the play, ok? And don't forget to tell everyone that we're starting.

Triwatch- Ok! 

(Triwatch runs around to everyone telling them they're starting and to get into positions. She then goes on stage with a microphone.)

Triwatch- Ladies and gentlemen, demons and fangirls!! If you will please turn your attention to the stage, our play will begin!!

(The lights dim, and the spotlight is turned on.)

In the audience...

Raizen- It's about time, Mukuro, what took you so long?

Mukuro- *plops down into her seat* Long line at the snack bar. 

Raizen- -_-()

Mukuro- What'd I miss?

Yomi- Nothing. Just a little girl coming out on stage to announce the beginning of the play.

Mukuro- Oh. Hey, I waited two hours for that popcorn, Raizen, go get your own!!

Back on stage...

(The curtains are opened only to get stuck halfway because some idiot fell asleep up in the ropes. Someone from backstage yells "SPIRIT GUN!" and a loud thump is heard. The curtains now completely open to reveal a nicely painted scene of a Greek throne room. There are some ogres and demons dressed up in Athenian clothes. They're "talking" to each other, as the play calls for it. Yusuke, Keiko with Jorge behind them come strolling in, Keiko holding Yusuke's arm. They too are dressed up in old Greek clothing.)

Yusuke- Now, fair Hippo...Hippo...

( Ryoken slaps forehead off stage.)

Keiko- *from the corner of her mouth* Hippolyta.

Yusuke- Hippolyta, our nuptial hour

Draws on apace; four happy days bring in

Another moon: but, O, methinks, how slow

This old moon wanes! she lingers my desire,

Like a stepdame or a dowager,

Long withering out a young man's revenue.

Keiko- Four days will quickly steep themselves in night;

Four nights will quickly dream away the time;

And then the moon, like to a silver bow

New-bent in heaven, shall behold the night

Of our solemnities.

Yusuke- Go, Philo...Philostrata?

(Ryoken slaps forehead again.)

Keiko- Philostrate.

Yusuke- Philostrate, god, how can people pronounce these names?-

Stir up the Athenian youth to merriments,

Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth,

Turn melancholy forth to funerals;

The pale companion is not for our pomp.

(Jorge exits.)

Yusuke- Hippolyta, I wooed thee with my sword,

And won thy love doing thee injuries;

But I will wed thee in another key,

With pomp, with triumph, and with revelling.

Back in the audience...

Raizen- -_-() I have an idiot for an heir...

Atsuko(from two rows over)- OI! Yusuke's not an idiot!

Puu- Puu!!

(On seeing this other counterpart, Puu immediately flies to Yusuke and sits on his head. Audience laughs except for Atsuko, who cheers him on.)

Yusuke- -_-() *under his breath* Stupid spirit beast...Why'd she have to bring him along...?

Back on stage...

(Shishiwakamaru, Yukina, Kurama, and Hiei enter the stage. They are also dressed in Athenian costumes, Kurama and Hiei looking especially handsome. Fangirls swoon.)

Shishi- *does a double-take as he looks at Yusuke with Puu on his head* Heh, nice crown, Urameshi. Happy be Theseus, our renowned duke!

Yusuke- -_- Thanks, good Ege, Egu...good Shishi! What's the news with thee?

Shishi- That's Egeus. Full of vexation come I, with complaint

Against my child, my daughter Hermia.

Stand forth, Demetrius. 

(Hiei takes a step forward with a glare. You can really tell he doesn't want to be there.)

My noble lord,

This man hath my consent to marry her.

Stand forth, Lysander.

(Kurama takes a step forward.)

And, my gracious duke, 

This man hath bewitched the bosom of my child.

Thou, thou, Lysander, thou has given her rhymes

And interchanged love tokens with my child;

Thou has by moonlight at her window sung

with feigning voice verses of feigning love,

And stol'n the impression of her fantasy

with bracelets of thy hair, rings, gauds, conceits,

knacks, trifles, nosegays, sweetmeets- messengers

Of strong prevailment in unhardened youth.

With cunning hast thou filched my daughter's heart,

Turned her obedience, which is due to me,

To stubborn harshness. And, my gracious duke,

Be it so she will not here before your Grace

Consent to marry with Demetrius,

I beg the ancient privilege of Athens,

As she is mine, I may dispose of her,

Which shall be either to this gentleman

Or to her death, according to our law

Immediately provided in that case. Phew!

Yusuke- What say you, Hermia? Be advised, fair maid,

To you your father should be as a god;

One that composed your beauties; yea, and one

To whom you are but as a form in wax

By him imprinted and within his power

To leave the figure or disfigure it.

Demetrius is a worthy gentleman.

Yukina- So is Lysander.

Yusuke- In himself he is;

But in this kind, wanting your father's voice,

The other must be held the worthier.

Yukina- I would my father looked but with my eyes.

Yusuke- Rather your eyes must with his judgment look.

Yukina- I do entreat your Grace to pardon me.

I know not by what power I am made bold,

Nor how it may concern my modesty

In such a presence here to plead my thoughts;

But I beseech your Grace that I may know

The worst that may befall me in this case

If I refuse to wed Demetrius.

Yusuke- Either to die the death, or to abjure

For ever the society of men.

Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires,

Know of your youth, examine well your blood,

Whether, if you yield not to your father's choice,

You can endure the livery of a nun,

For aye to be in shady cloister mewed,

To live a barren sister all your life,

Chanting faint hymns to the cold fruitless moon.

Thrice blessed they that master so their blood

To undergo such maiden pilgrimage;

But earthlier happy is the rose distilled

Than that which, withering on the virgin thorn,

Grows, lives, and dies in single blessedness.

Yukina- So will I grow, so live, so die, my lord,

Ere I will yield my virgin patent up

Unto his lordship whose unwished yoke

My soul consents not to give sovereignty.

Yusuke- Take time to pause; and by the next new moon-

The sealing day betwixt my love and me

For everlasting bond of fellowship-

Upon that day either prepare to die

For disobedience to your father's will,

Or else to wed Demetrius, as he would,

Or on Diana's altar to protest

For aye austerity and single life.

Hiei- -_- Relent, sweet Hermia; and, Lysander, yield

Thy crazed title to my certain right.

Kurama- *with some enthusiasm* You have her father's love, Demetrius;

Let me have Hermia's: do you marry him.

(Audience laughs.)

Shishi- Scornful Lysander! true, he hath my love; 

(Both Hiei and Shishi glare at the crowd to make sure no one will make some stupid comment.)

And what is mine my love shall render him;

And she is mine, and all my right of her

I do estate unto Demetrius.

Kurama- I am, my lord, as derived as he,

As well possessed; my love us more than his;

My fortunes every way as fairly ranked

(If not with vantage) as Demetrius';

And (which is more than all these boasts can be)

I am beloved of beauteous Hermia.

Why should not I then prosecute my right?

Demetrius, I'll avouch it to his dead,

Made love to Nedar's daughter, Helena,

And won her soul; and she (sweet lady) dotes,

Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry,

Upon this spotted and inconstant man.

Yusuke- I must confess that I have heard so much,

And with Demetrius thought to have spoke thereof,

But, being over-full of self-affairs,

My mind did lose it. But, Demetrius, come;

And come, Shishi-

Shishi- That's Egeus.

Yusuke- Whatever. You shall go with me;

I have some private schooling for you both.

For you, fair Hermia, look you arm yourself

To fit your fancies to your father's will;

Or else the law of Athens yields you up

(Which by no means we may extenuate)

To death or to a vow of single life.

Come, my, er, dear. What cheer, my love?

Demetrius and, er, Shishi, go along.

I must employ you in some business

Against our nuptial and confer with you

Of something nearly that concerns yourself.

Shishi- With duty and desire we follow you. 

Hiei- Yeah right.

(All exit except for Kurama and Yukina.)

Kurama- How now, my love? Why is your cheek so pale?

How chance the roses there do fade so fast?

Yukina- Belike for want of rain, which I could well

Between them from the tempest of my eyes.

Kurama- Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,

Could ever hear by tale or history,

The course of true love never did run smooth;

But, either it was different in blood-

Yukina- *interrupting* O cross! too high to be enthralled to low!

Kurama- Or else, misgraffed in respect of years-

Yukina- O spite! too old to be engaged to young!

Kurama- Or else it stood upon the choice of friends-

Yukina- O hell! to choose love by another's eyes!

Kurama- Or, if there were a sympathy in choice,

War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,

Making it momentary as a sound,

Swift as a shadow, short as any dream,

Brief as the lightning in the collied night,

That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,

And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"

The laws of darkness do devour it up:

So quick bright things come to confusion.

Yukina- If then true lovers have been ever crossed,

It stands as an edict in destiny.

Then let us teach our trial patience,

Because it is a customary cross,

As due to love as thoughts and dreams and sighs,

Wishes and tears, poor Fancy's followers.

Kurama- A good persuasion. Therefore hear me, Hermia.

I have a widow aunt, a dowager,

Of great revenue, and she hath no child:

From Athens is her house remote seven leagues;

And she respects me as her only son.

There, gentle Hermia, may I marry thee;

And to that place the sharp Athenian law

Cannot pursue us. If thou lovest me then,

Steal forth thy father's house tomorrow night;

And in the wood, a league without the town,

Where I did meet thee once with Helena

To do observance to a morn of may,

There will I stay for thee.

Yukina- My good Lysander!

I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow,

By his best arrow, with the golden head,

By the simplicity of Venus' doves,

By that which knitteth souls and prospers loves,

And by that fire which burned the Carthage queen

When the false Troyan under sail was seen,

By all the vows that ever men have broke

(In number more than ever women spoke),

In that same place thou hast appointed me

Tomorrow truly will I meet with thee.

(Some wolf calls and whistles come from the audience, but a really big and heavy book gets thrown at them and it has the title "William Shakespeare" imprinted on the front, thrown by Hiei and provided by yours truly.)

Kurama- Keep promise, love. Look, here comes Helena.

(Ryoken comes on stage. She too is dressed in Greek garbs. Everyone backstage who absolutely hated what parts they were given, now realizing that she was here now, glares and starts to plot her demise. Hiei starts searching around for Triwatch in order to question her.)

Yukina- God speed fair Helena! Whither away?

Ryoken- Call you me fair? That fair again unsay.

Demetrius loves your fair. O happy fair!

Your eyes are lodestars, and your tongue's sweet air

More tuneable than lark to shepherd's ear

When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds appear.

Sickness is catching. Oh, were favor so,

Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go!

My ears should catch your voice, my eye your eye,

My tongue should catch your tongue's sweet melody.

Were the world mine, Demetrius being bated,

The rest I'd give to be to you translated.

O, teach me how you look, and with what art

You sway the motion of Demetrius' heart!

Yukina- I frown upon him, yet he loves still.

Ryoken- O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!

Yukina- I give him curses, yet he gives me love.

Ryoken- O that my prayers could such affection move!

Yukina- The more I hate, the more he follows me.

Ryoken- The more I love, the more he hateth me.

Yukina- His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine.

Ryoken- None but your beauty: would that fault were mine!

Hermia- Take comfort, he no more shall see my face;

Lysander and myself will fly this place.

Before the time I did Lysander see,

Seemed Athens as a paradise to me.

O, then, what graces in my love do dwell

That he hath turned a heaven unto a hell!

Kurama- Helen, to you our minds we will unfold:

Tomorrow night, when Phoebe doth behold

Her silver visage in the wat'ry glass,

Decking with liquid pearl the bladed grass

(A time that lovers' flights doth still conceal),

Through Athens gates have devised to steal.

Yukina- And in the wood where often you and I

Upon faint primrose beds were wont to lie,

Emptying our bosoms of their counsel sweet,

There my Lysander and myself shall meet,

And thence from Athens turn away our eyes

To seek new friends and stranger companies.

Farewell, sweet playfellow. Pray thou for us;

And good luck grant thee thy Demetrius!

Keep word, Lysander. We must starve our sight

From lovers' food till morrow deep midnight.

Kurama- I will, my Hermia.

(Yukina exits.)

Kurama- Helena, adieu.

As you on him, Demetrius dote on you!

(Kurama exits. Fangirls whine.)

Ryoken- How happy some o'er other some can be!

Through Athens I am thought as fair as she.

But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so;

He will not know what all but he do know.

And as he errs, doting on Hermia's yes,

So I, admiring of his qualities.

Things base and vile, holding no quantity,

Love can transpose to form and dignity.

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

Nor hath Love's mind of any judgment taste:

Wings, and no eyes, figure unheedy haste.

And therefore is Love said to be a child,

Because in choice he is so oft beguiled.

As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,

So the boy Love is perjured everywhere;

For ere Demetrius looked on Hermia's eyne,

He hailed down oaths that he was only mine;

And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt,

So he dissolved, and show'rs of oaths did melt.

I will go tell him of fair Hermia's flight.

Then to the wood will he tomorrow night

Purse her; and for this intelligence

If I have thanks, it is a dear expense;

But herein mean I to enrich my pain,

To his sight thither and back again.

(Ryoken exits and the curtain is drawn.)

Backstage...

(All with complaints swarm Ryoken.)

Ryoken- Whoa, whoa, WHOA! OI, there's only ichi of me, no da!! Iie, wait...-

(Hiei comes back, Triwatch happily following behind him, skipping. He doesn't look very happy, not that he was thrilled to begin with.)

Hiei- *holding up a script* What's this I hear about Helena's part being sabotaged?

Ryoken- Dare?? Doke?? I am drowning in a sea of people at the moment!! *gurgle*

Hiei- -_-() 

(Triwatch somehow pulls Ryoken out from the crowd of people.)

Ryoken- Arigato ^_^

Triwatch- Douitashimashite! ^_^

(Hiei notices how strangely alike they seem, but shakes it off.)

Hiei- Triwatch told me your little scheme.

Ryoken- Um, do I not always have a scheme brewing?

Hiei- That is somewhat true, but I'm talking about the play!

Ryoken- Ohhhh...Erm...Ehehe... ^^() So, what about it?

Hiei- -_- ...Doushite?!

Ryoken- Weeeeeeeell, I figured since I've done the part before, why not do it again! 

Hiei- Stop lying, you've never played this part before in your life.

Ryoken- Dan your Jagan eye!!! 

Hiei- Hey, no cursing the Jagan, oba-san.

Ryoken- Don't you be callin me an oba-san!

Hiei- Then what SHOULD I call you?? A baka??

(They start getting into an argument.)

In the audience...

Okubo (he's the big guys from Kuwabara's little gang, if you didn't know)- Oi, I thought this was supposed to be funny, not some romantic crap.

Kazemaru- It is a comedy. They just haven't gotten to the comical part of it yet.

Okubo- And wasn't that demon chick supposed to play Helena? What's the authoress doing playing the part?

Kazemaru- -_-() You know, I think I understand now how and why Kuwabara got you to join his gang.

Up in the loft, where there are more seats...

(Sakyo comes from up the stairs with some Twislers(not sure if it's spelt right) in his hand. He's trying hard not to laugh, his hand over his mouth.)

Younger Toguro- What's so funny?

Sakyo- *finally sits in his seat and lets his laughter loose*

(The Toguro brothers look at him strangely.)

Sakyo- *between laughs* Go...Go to the...the concession stand!

(The two shrug and go downstairs to the concession stand. The line is extremely long, but they go to the counter to see what's so funny. What they see is Karasu and Bui working behind the counter with black aprons on. The two make sure they didn't see them and hurriedly go back to their seats where they too, laugh their heads off.)

Back on stage...

(Everyone is still arguing and complaining.)

Triwatch- *frustrated* URUSEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Everyone is silenced.)

Triwatch- Arigato. Now, I know that a lot of you guys are unhappy with what parts you have, but not everyone can be one character! And even though I'm sure a lot of you didn't want to be in this play in the first place, you've just got to make the best of it! And you two *points at Ryoken and Hiei* stop fighting already! We've got enough trouble around here as it is. And besides, the next scene is about to start and you can argue at the first intermission.

Kuwabara- Hey kid, who died and made you director?!

Ryoken- *death glare* I did. 'Cept I didn't die...Or at least not yet...

Triwatch- Anyway...Can we just get on with the last scene? Pleaaaaaaaaaaase?? *uses her undefeatable-cute-eyes look*

(They sigh and Jin, Touya, Chuu, Kuwabara, Rando, and Suzuka go on stage. The curtains are pulled back.)

And we'll stop right there! I'll just do the chapters by each scene, make it easy on myself. I hope you enjoyed it and will henji!

English translation of words:

jaa ne- see you

Kodeke- here

Oi- hey

ichi-one

no da- you know

Iie- no

Dare- who

Doke- where

arigato- thank you

douitashimashite- you are welcome

doushite- why?

dan- damn

oba-san- little girl

urusei- shut up

henji- review


	3. Act 1, scene 2

Here comes scene II!! And please welcome a newcomer, VT!! ^_^

A Yu Yu-Summer Night's Dream

By Ryoken

(The curtains are pulled back to reveal the scene of the front of a house. Chuu, Kuwabara, Jin, Touya, Rando, and Suzuka walk onstage, dressed in Athenian clothes. Kuwabara has a fake beard on.)

Chuu- Are we all here?

Kuwabara- *with a lot more enthusiasm than is necessary, and even a really weird accent* You were best to call them generally, man by man, according to the scrip.

Chuu- All right then. *pulls out the script. He then reads from it* Here is the scroll of every man's name which is thought fit, through all Athens, to play in our interlude before the duke and duchess on his weddin' day at night.

Kuwabara- First, good Peter Quince, say what the play treats on, then read the names of the actors, and so grow to a point.

Chuu- Marry, wait, whut's that supposed to mean, mates?

Touya- *slaps his forehead, then in a whisper* It refers to Mary, from that Bible thing, but it's used as an exclamation.

Chuu- OH! Right, gotchya, Marry, our play is "The most Lamentable Comedy and most Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisby." That's some name for a play, now ain't it?

Kuwabara- A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a merry. Now, good Peter Quince, call forth your actors by the scroll. Masters, spread yourselves.

Chuu-*still reading from the script* Answer as I call you. Nick Bottom the weaver.

Kuwabara- Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed.

Chuu- You, Nick Bottom, are set down for Pyramus.

Kuwabara- What is Pyramus? a lover or a tyrant?

Chuu- A lover that kills himself most gallant for love.

Kuwabara- That will ask some tears in the true performing of it. If I do it, let the audience look to their eyes! I will move storms; I will condole in some measure. To the rest-

Yet my chief humor is for a tyrant. I could play Ercles rarely, or a part to tear a cat in, to make all split.

"The raging rocks

And shivering shocks

Shall break the locks

Of prison gates;

And Phibbus' car

Shall shine from far

And make and mar

The foolish Fates."

This was lofty! Now name the rest of the players. This is Ercles' vein, a tyrant's vein. A lover is more condoling.

Chuu- I have no idea what you just said, mate, but ok. Francis Flute the bellows-mender.

Jin-*with a big smile, as always* Here, Peter Quince.

Chuu- Flute, you must take Thisby on you.

Jin- What is Thisby? a wandrin' knight?

Chuu- *grins* it is the lady that Pyramus must love.

Jin- If you think I'm gonna play as a woman, yer dead wrong!

Chuu- That's all one; *confused at that sentence* you shall play it in a mask, and you may speak as small as you will.

Kuwabara- An I may hide my face, let me play Thisby too. I'll speak in a monstrous little voice:- "Thisne, Thisne!" *in a girlish voice*"Ah, Pyramus, my lover dear! thy Thisby dear, and lady dear!"

Chuu- *isn't looking at the script now*No, no! you must play Pyramus; and, Flute, you Thisby.

Kuwabara- Well, proceed.

Chuu- Robin Starveling the tailor.

Suzuka- Here, Peter Quince.

Chuu- *sniggers as he reads from the script again* Robin Starveling you must play Thisby's mother.

Suzuka- _

Chuu- Tom Snout the tinker.

Touya- Here, Peter Quince.

Chuu- You, Pyramus' father; myself, Thisby's father; Snug the joiner, you the lion's part. And I hope here is a play fitted. 

Rando- Have you the lion's part written? Pray you, if it be, give it me, for I am slow of study.

Chuu- You may do it *stumbles over the next word*ex...temp...ore, for it is nothing but roaring.

Kuwabara- Let me play the lion too:-

(Is interrupted by the audience)

Random audience members- Stop being so greedy, Kuwabaka!! Let the others have a part too!!

Kuwabara- What'd you say?! Come here...!

Touya-*whispering and trying to hold Kuwabara back* No, we've got to go on with the scene!!

Kuwabara- *mutters something under his breath* I will roar that I will do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar that I will make the duke say, "Let him roar again, let him roar again."

Chuu-*not reading from the script* An you should do it too terribly, you fright the duchess and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were enough to hang us all.

All but Kuwabara and Chuu- That would hang us, every mother's son.

Hiei- *from backstage* HA!

Kuwabara-*not really understanding what they meant by the last line and trying to figure out who laughed* I grant you, friends, if you should fright the ladies out of their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang us; but I will aggravate my voice so that I will you as gently as any sucking dove; I will roar you an 'twere any nightingale.

Chuu- You can play no part but Pyramus, and that's that; 

Reisho, from the audience- You tell that idiot!!

Kuwabara- *under his breath* Grrrrrr...Stupid rock master demon...get my hands on him...

Chuu- for Pyramus is a sweet-faced man; a proper man as one shall see in a summer's day; a most lovely gentlemanlike man: therefore, actually, maybe I should play Pyramus...

Kuwabara- Hey, they gave this part to me, so it's mine!! Well, I undertake it. What beard were I best to play it in?

Chuu- Why, what you will.

Kuwabara- I will discharge it in either your straw-color beard, your orange-tawny beard, your purple-in-grain- beard, or your French-crown-color beard, your perfect yellow.

Chuu- Some of your French crowns have no hair at all, and then you will play barefaced. But, masters, here are your parts; *gives them blank papers* and I am to entreat you, request you, and desire you, to con them by tomorrow night; and meet me in the palace wood, a mile without the town, by moonlight. There will we rehearse; for if we meet in the city, we shall be dogged with company, and our devices known. In the meantime I will draw a bill of properties, such as our play wants. I pray you, fail me not.

Kuwabara- We will meet; and there we may rehearse most obscenely and courageously. Take pains; be perfect. Adieu.

Chuu- At the duke's oak we meet.

Kuwabara- Enough. Hold, or cut bowstrings...?

(They all exit, Kuwabara and Chuu confused at the last line and trying to decipher it. The first act has ended and Triwatch comes out onstage once the curtains close.)

Triwatch- If you didn't know, that was end of act 1. We'll be taking a fifteen minute intermission break!!

(Triwatch goes back behind the curtains. She still sees Kuwabara and Chuu trying to understand what they meant by the last line. She sighs and goes over to Ryoken, who is being pestered again by unhappy actors and trying to get the scenery into place at the same time.)

Ryoken- Just a little to the left, there, perfect!

(Everyone is trying to get their say in at the same time.)

Ryoken- Grrrr...This is giving me a headache.

Girl with black hair streaked with green- Want me to take care of 'em, Captain?

Ryoken-*loud enough for them to hear* Huh? Oh yeah, just take away their voice-boxes until act 2 starts if they say another complaint about their parts.

Yusuke- *with Puu still on his head* Who the heck is she?!

Ryoken- Why, don't you recognize her? It's VT.

(The complainers run around frantic. VT grins evilly.)

VT- HEY!!!! No more yelling!! Captain needs quiet, that she does!

(They're silent, knowing her evil finger-snapping powers.)

Ryoken- Ok, so anyway, how's the rest of the scenery coming, VT?

VT- Pretty good, Captain! All we need are a few more potted trees and we're done!

Ryoken- Great...Then maybe I can go get some Advil for my poor headache.

Back in the audience...

(Most of the audience has gone to get snacks, a lot whom laughed their heads off at Bui and Karasu, who then got killed by Karasu.)

Karasu- Baka ningens...

Random fan demon girls- *sigh*

Karasu- ^^()

Back in the theatre...

Genbu- Where's Suzaku? I thought he was in this stupid play thing.

Murugu- He is, his part is coming up next.

Genbu- Oh. What is he playing again?

Seiryu- A fairy.

Genbu- *grins evilly* Oh yes, this will be very entertaining...

Byakko-*slouching in his seat* I'm sooo hungry...

Genbu- Then go to the concession stand or something, you baka tiger! You're always complaining about how hungry you are and yet there's humans right over there!!

Byakko- HEY! I am NOT stupid!! You're the one who's made of rocks that have no brains!!

Genbu- I do TOO have a brain!!! 

Byakko- Yeah, that red-haired freak proved that when he diced it up with his whip!

ALL Kurama fans- HE IS NOT A RED-HAIRED FREAK, YOU FREAK!!!! *they give chase while throwing various objects at Byakko, such as pitchforks and kitchen sinks.*

Kurama- *from backstage upon hearing the fight* ^^()

That's all the time we have for today, people! Tune in for the next act: The crazy mixed-up weird juice potion thingy! Or also known as Act 2, scene 1!


	4. Act 2, scene 1

XD, ok, here's act 2, where all the confusion begins...

A Yu Yu-Summer Night's Dream

By Ryoken

(The intermission is over and people go back to their seats. Byakko has several bruises and large bumps in various places and gingerly sits back down in his seat. The curtains are drawn only to get stuck 1/7 of the way. A snap and loud thud is heard. The curtains open completely to reveal a forest scene complete with potted trees, big and small, along with some brush and some bushes. Rinku and Koto enter from opposite sides, Rinku flying low through the air on thick, but invisible, wires. Rinku is stopped in the middle where he meets up with Koto and stands in the air. Koto is dressed up as a cheesy, glittery fairy, while Rinku is dressed in Shakespearean attire, tights and all.)

Rinku- *With a big mischievous grin* How now, spirit! Wither wander you?

Koto- *mumbles* Wish I got to fly, but no...

Rinku- AHEM!

Koto- *at first surprised* OVER HILL, over dale,

Thorough bush, thorough brier,

Over park, over pale,

Thorough flood, thorough fire;

I do wander everywhere,

Swifter than the moones sphere;

And I serve the fairy queen,

To dew her orbs upon the green.

The cowslips tall her pensioners be;

In their gold coats spots you see.

Those be rubies, fairy favors;

In those freckles live their saviors.

I must go seek some dewdrops here,

And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear.

Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I'll be gone.

Our Queen and all her elves come here anon.

Rinku- The king both keep his revels here tonight;

Take heed the queen come not within his sight:

For Oberon is passing fell and wrath,

Because that she, as her attendant, hath

A lovely boy, stolen from an Idnian king-

She never had so sweet a changeling-

And jealous Oberon would have the child

Knight of his train, to trace the forests wild;

But she perforce withhholds the loved boy,

Crowns him with flowers, and makes him all her joy.

And now they never meet in grove or green,

By fountain clear or spangled starlight sheen,

But they do square, that all their elves, for fear,

Creep into acorn cups and hide them there.

Koto- Either I mistake your shape and making quite,

Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Goodfellow. Are not you he

That frights the maidens of the villagery;

Skim milk, and sometimes labor in the quern,

And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;

And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;

Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?

Those that Hobgoblin call you, and sweet Puck,

You do their work, and they shall have good luck.

Are not you he?

(Audience starts to fall asleep from all this boring talk.)

Rinku-*trying to wake up the audience* Thou speakest aright!

I am that merry wanderer of the night.

I jest to Oberon, and make him smile

When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile,

Neighing in likeness of a roasted crab,

And when she drinks, against her lips I bob

And on her withered dewlap pour the ale.

The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale,

Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me;

Then slip I from her bum, down topples she,

And "tailor" cries, and falls into a cough;

And then the whole quire hold their hips and loffe,

And waxen in their mirth, and neeze, and swear

A merrior hour was never wasted there.

But room, fairy! Here comes Oberon.

Koto- And here my mistress. Would he were gone!

(Koenma in his teenager form comes in, some warriorish looking "fairies" following him, from one side, wearing Athenian robes and fake fairy wings. Boton comes in, dressed in the basic same attire, followed by more girlish looking fairies from the other side.)

Koenma- I'll met by moonlight, proud Titania.

Boton- What, jealous Oberon! Faeries, skip hence.

I have forsworn his bed and company.

Koenma- Tarry, rash wanton: am I not thy lord?

Boton- Then I must be thy lady; but I know

When thou hast stolen away from fairyland,

And in the shape of Corin sat all day,

Playing on pipes of corn, and versing love

To amorous Phillida. Why art thou here,

Come from the farthest steppe of India,

But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon,

Your buskined mistress and your warrior love,

To Theseus must be wedded, and you come

To give their bed joy and prosperity?

Koenma- How canst thou thus, for shame, Titania,

Glance at my credit with Hippolyta,

Knowing I know thy love to Theseus?

Didst thou not lead him through the glimmering night

From Perigouna, whom he ravished?

And make him with fair Egles break his faith,

With Ariadne, and Antiopa?

Boton- *takes a deep breath* These are the forgeries of jealousy;

And never, since the middle summer's spring,

Met we on hill, in dale, forest, or mead,

By paved fountain or by rushy brook,

Or in the beached margent of the sea,

To dance our ringlets to thw whistling wind,

But with thy brawls thou hast disturbed our sport.

Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,

As in revenge have sucked up from the sea

Contagious fogs; which falling in the land

Hath every pelting river made so proud

That they have overborne their continents. *takes another deep breath*

The ox hath therefore stretched his yoke in vain,

The ploughman lost his sweat, and the green corn

Hath rotted ere his youth attained a beard;

The fold stands empty in the drowned field,

And crows are fatted with the murrion flock;

The nine men's morris is filled up with mud,

And the quiant mazes in the wanton green

For lack of tread are undistinguishable. *takes another deep breath*

The human mortals want their winter here.

No night is now with hymn or carol blest;

Therefore the moon, the governess of floods,

Pale in her anger, washes all the air,

That rheumatic diseases do abound.

And thorough this distemperature we see

The seasons alter. Hoary-headed frosts

Fall in the fresh lap of the crimson rose;

And on old Hiems' thin and icy crown

AN odorous chaplet of sweet summer buds

Is as in mockery, set. The spring, the summer,

The childing autumn, angry white change

Their wonted liveries, and the mazed world,

By their increase, now knows not which is which.

And this same progeny of evils comes

From our debate, from our dissension;

We are their parents and original. 

*is panting, but gets an ovation from the crowd for being able to remember and say all of that*

Koenma- Do you amend it then; it lies in you.

Why should Titania cross her Oberon?

I do but beg a little changling boy

To be my henchman.

Botan- Set your heart at rest.

The fairyland buys not the child of me.

His mother was a vot'ress of my order;

And in the spiced Indian air, by night,

Full often hath she gossiped by my side,

And sat with me on Neptune's yellow sands,

Marking the embarked traders on the flood;

When we have laughed to se the sails conceive

And grow big-bellied with the wanton wind;

Which she, with pretty and with swimming gait

Following (her womb then rich with my young squire)

Would imitate, and sail upon the land

To fetch me trifles, and return again,

As from a voyage, rich with merchandise.

But she, being mortal, of that boy did die,

And for her sake do I rear up her boy,

And for her sake I will not part with him

Koenma- How long within this wood intend you stay?

Botan- Perchance till after Theseus' wedding day.

If you will patiently dance in our round

And see our moonlight revels, go with us.

If not, shun me, and I will spare your haunts.

Koenma- Give me that boy, and I will go with thee.

Botan- Not for thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away!

We shall chide downright if I longer stay.

*Botan and her fairies go offstage where Ryoken has a glass of water for her. She greedily gulps it down.*

Koenma- Well, go thy way. Thou shalt not from this grove

Till I torment thee for this injury.

My gentle Puck, come hither. Thou rememb'rest

Since once I sat upon a promontory

And heard a mermaid, on a dolphin's back,

Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath

That the rude sea grew civil at her song,

And certain stars shot madly from their spheres

To hear the sea-maid's music.

Rinku- I remember.

Koenma- That very time I saw (but thou couldst not),

Flying between the cold moon and the earth,

Cupid, all armed. A certain aim he took

At a fair Vestal, throned by the West,

And loosed his love-shaft smartly from his bow,

As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts.

But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft

Quenched in the chaste beams of the wat'ry moon,

And the imperial vot'ress passed on,

In maiden meditation, fancy-free.

Yet marked I where the bolt of Cupid fell.

It fell upon a little Western flower,

Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,

And maidens call it love-in-idleness.

Fetch me that flow'r; the herb I showed thee once.

The juice of it, on sleeping eyelids laid,

Will make or man or woman madly dote

Upon the next live creature that it sees.

Fetch me this herb, and be thou here again

Ere the Leviathan can swim a league.

Rinku- I'll put a girdle around the earth

In forty minutes.

*Rinku exits.*

Koenma- having once this juice,

I'll watch Titania when she is asleep

And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.

The next thing then she, waking, looks upon

(Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull,

On meddling monkey, or on busy ape)

She shall pursue it with the soule of love.

And ere I take this charm from off her sight

(As I can take it with another herb)

I'll make her render up her page to me.

But who comes here? I am invisible,

And I will overhear their conference.

*Koenma "hides" behind one of the trees. Hiei enters, with Ryoken following him*

Hiei- I love thee not; therefore pursue me not.

Where is Lysander and fair Hermia?

The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me.

Thou told'st me they were stol'n unto this wood;

And here am I, and wood within this wood

Because I cannot meet my Hermia.

Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more!

Ryoken- You draw me, you hardhearted adamant!

But yet you draw not iron, for my heart

Is true as steel. Leave you your power to draw,

And I shall have no power to follow you.

Hiei- Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair?

Or rather do I not in plainest truth

Tell you I do not nor I cannot love you?

Ryoken- And even for that do I love the more.

I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius,

The more you beat me, I will fawn on you.

Use me but as your spaniel-spurn me, strike me,

Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave

(Unworthy as I am) to follow you.

What worser place can I beg in your love

(And yet a place of high respect with me)

Than to be used as you use your dog?

Hiei- Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit,

For I am sick when I do look on thee!

Ryoken- And I am sick when I look not on you.

Hiei- You do impeach your modesty too much

To leave the city and commit yourself

Into the hands of one that loves you not;

To trust the opportunity of night

And the ill counsel of a desert place

With the rich worth of your virginity.

Ryoken- Your virtue is my privilege: for that

It is not night when I do see your face,

Therefore I think I am not in the night;

Nor doth this wood lack worlds of company,

For you, in my respect, are all the world:

Then how can it be said I am alone

When all the world is here to look on me?

Hiei- I'll run from thee and hide me in the brakes,

And leave thee to the mercy of wild beasts.

Ryoken- The wildest hath not such a heart as you.

Run when you will, the story shall be changed:

Apollo flies, and Daphne holds the chase;

The dove pursues the griffon; the mild hind

Makes speed to catch the tiger-bootless speed,

When cowardice pursues, and valor flies!

Hiei- I will not stay thy questions. Let me go!

Or if thou follow me, do not believe

But I shall do thee mischief in the wood.

Ryoken- Ay, in the temple, in the town, the field,

You do me mischief. Fie, Demetrius!

Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex.

We cannot fight for love, as men may do;

We should be wooed, and were not made to woo.

*Hiei throws up his arms in disgust and exits quickly*

I'll follow thee, and make a heavne of hell,

To die upon the hand I love so well.

*Ryoken exits and Koenma comes out from behind the tree.*

Koenma- Fare thee well, nymph. Ere he do leave this grove,

Thou shalt fly him, and he shall seek thy love.

*Rinku re-enters with a purple flower in his hand*

Hast thou the flower there? Welcome wanderer.

Rinku- Ay, there it is.

Koenma- I pray thee give it me.

I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,

Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,

Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,

With sweet musk-roses, and with eglantine.

There sleeps Titania sometime of the night,

Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight;

And there the snake throws her enamelled skin,

Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in;

And with the juice of this I'll streak her eyes

And make her full of hateful fantasies.

Take thou some of it and seek through this grove.

A sweet Athenian lady is in love

With a disdainful youth: anoint his eyes,

But do it when the next thing he espies

May be the lady. Thou shalt know the man

By the Athenian garments he hath on.

Effect it with some care, that he may prove

More fond on her than she upon her love;

And look thou meet me ere the first cock crow.

Rinku- Fear not, my lord; you servant shall do so!

*They exit and the curtains are drawn. Koenma hurries to get a drink of water too*

Botan- That was a lot of talking! Whew!

Yusuke- But I'm sure you're used to it, right?

*Yusuke gets bashed by a mallet and a frying pan. Ryoken whispers something in VT's ear, and VT nods back. She goes to get the next scene set up.*

Kurama- What were you two whispering about?

Ryoken- Hmm? Oh nanimonai! Nothing at all!! Ehehe...*backs away and runs off somewhere*

Kurama- Hmm...

*As we watch Kurama continue to think, *fangirls sigh* we see in the background VT randomly glomping Yusuke...Oo*

That's it! Stay tuned for scene II, the scene of mass confusion!


	5. Act 2, scene 2

Ok, sorry, HERE'S where the confusion starts. And uh, confidentially folks, I don't own YYH or Shakespeare's A Mid-Summer Night's Dream. Read on!

A Yu Yu-Summer Night's Dream

By Ryoken

*The audience is still asleep in their seats, except for the fangirls, who are all impatiently awaiting the bishounens' return to the stage. Backstage, VT moves the potted plants around a bit to make it seem like a different part of wood with a snap of her fingers. She then starts to run towards the exit that connects to the audience, glomping Yusuke along the way (Yusuke-Oo). She disappears as she runs up the aisle and through the double doors. No one notices her. *

Koenma-*goes up to Ryoken* Do we really have to do on? Except for those evil fangirls, the audience is asleep!

Ryoken- As they say in showbiz, the show MUST go on!

*Koenma sighs and gets into position. The curtain rises without any nuisances from the people upstairs and Boton, Juri, Koto and some random fairies come out onto the stage*

Boton- Come, now a roundel and a fairy song;

Then, for the third part of a minute, hence-

Some to kill cankers in the musk-rose buds,

Some war with reremice for their leathern wings,

To make my small elves coats, and some keep back

The clamorous owl, that nightly hoots and wonders

At our quaint spirits. Sing me now asleep.

Then to your offices, and let me rest. *sits down*

Koto- *without enthusiasm* You spotted snakes with double tongue,

Thorny hedgehogs be not seen;

Newts and blindworms, do not wrong,

Come not near our Fairy Queen.

*Ryoken thinks for a minute, then runs into a separate room. She comes out with a red-hot poker and makes a sound so Koto would look at her. Ryoken grins maliciously as she points it at Koto. She gulps.*

All Fairies- Philomel, with melody

Sing in our sweet lullaby;

Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lulla lulla lullaby;

Never harm,

Nor spell nor charm

Come our lovely lady nigh.

So good night, with lullaby.

Koto- *with a lot of renewed enthusiasm* Weaving spiders, come not here;

Hence, you long-legged spinners, hence!

Beetles black, approach not near;

Worm nor snail, do no offense.

Offstage...

Yusuke- Where did you get the poker?!

Ryoken- I got it from the devils in the refrigerator.

Yusuke- Oro??

Ryoken- The devils in the refrigerator.

Yusuke- Ohhhhhhkay then...

Keiko- There are devils in the refrigerator??!?

Ryoken- Yeah, someone must have set a fire in there cause there are flames all over...

Hiei-...You saw a fire in the refrigerator and you didn't tell anyone until now?

Ryoken- ^_^ No, why?

Hiei- ...

*Ogres and some other people who were part of the team run into the dressing room where the fridge is located and try to put the fire out.*

Back onstage...

All fairies- Philomel, with melody

Sing in our sweet lullaby;

Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lulla lulla lullaby;

Never harm,

Nor spell nor charm

Come our lovely lady nigh.

So good night, with lullaby.

*Boton lies down and pretends to be asleep*

Juri- Whoohoo, I finally get to say my line!

*with lots of enthusiasm and loudly* Hence, away! Now all is well.

One aloof stand sentinel!

(All the fairies leave. Koenma sneaks in, real cartoon like, and drops a few droplets of water on Boton's eyelids.)

Koenma- *sighs, with no enthusiasm* What thou seest when thou dost wake,

Do it for thy true-love take;

*Sees the poker still in Ryoken's hand*

*enthusiastically* Love and languish for his sake.

Be it ounce or cat or bear,

Pard, or boar with bristled hair

In thy eye that shall appear

When thou wak'st, it is thy dear.

Wake when some vile thing is near.

*He exits the side opposite of Ryoken. Kurama and Yukina enter, Kurama really trying his best to ignore the fangirls who are right at the stage.*

Kurama- Fair love, you faint with wand'ring in the wood;

And to speak troth, I have forgot our way.

We'll rest us, Hermia, if you think it good,

And tarry for the comfort of the day.

Yukina- Be it so, Lysander. Find you out a bed;

For I upon this bank will rest my head.

Kurama- One turf shall serve as pillow for us both;

One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and one troth.

*Hiei can be seen backstage grinding his teeth*

Yukina- Nay, good Lysander; for my sake, my dear,

Lie further off yet, do not lie so near.

*one demon from the audience wakes up*

Random audience member- Oooooo, he got told!!!!

*Another audience member, a demon, wakes up*

Other random audience member- You understood what was going on?!?

Random audience member- No, just that one line.

Other random audience member- -_-' Baka...

Kurama- O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence!

Love takes the meaning in love's conference.

I mean that my heart unto yours is knit,

So that but one heart we can make of it;

Two bosoms interchained with an oath;

So then two bosoms and a single troth.

Then by your side no bed-room me deny;

For lying so, Hermia, I do not lie.

Yukina- Lysander riddles very prettily.

Fangirls- Yeah...

^^'. Now much beshrew my manners and my pride

If Hermia meant to say Lysander lied!

But, gentle friend, for love and courtesy

Lie further off, in humane modesty,

Such separation as may well be said

Becomes a virtuous bachelor and a maid,

So far be distant; and good night, sweet friend,

Thy love ne'er alter till thy sweet life end!

Kurama- Amen, amen-

*The whole audience wakes up*

All- IS IT OVER?!!?!?!?

Kurama- -_-' No.

All- Oh, rats.

Kurama- Amen, amen, to that fair prayer say I,-

*demon members of the audience hiss*

Fangirls-*to demons* SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!

Kurama- And then end life when I end loyalty!

Here is my bed. Sleep give thee all his rest!

*Fangirls sigh and swoon*

Kurama- ^^'

Yukina- With half that wish the wisher's eyes be pressed!

*The two lie down as well. Rinku enters on the wire, but he goes sailing past Kurama and exits. He comes out again a little slower and stops in front of Kurama.*

Rinku- Ehehe, Through the forest have I gone,

But Athenian found I none

On whose eyes I might approve

This flower's force in stirring love.

Night and silence! Who is here?

Weeds of Athens he doth wear.

This is he (my master said)

Despised the Athenian maid;

And here the maiden, sleeping sound

On the dank and dirty ground.

Pretty soul! she durst not lie

near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy.

Churl, upon thy eyes I throw

All the power this charm doth owe.

(Throws glitter on Kurama)

When thou wak'st, let love forbid

Sleep his seat on thy eyelid.

So awake when I am gone;

For I must now to Oberon.

*Rinku exits. Fangirls blink*

Random fangirl #1-...Did he just insult Kurama?

Random fangirl #2- I have no idea.

Random fangirl #3- He better not have!!

All other fangirls- YEAH!!!! :)

Kurama- *thinking* scary...

*Enter Hiei and Ryoken, running, somewhat*

Ryoken- Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Demetrius.

Hiei- I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus!!

Ryoken- O, wilt thou darkling leave me? Do not so!

Hiei- Stay, on thy peril! I alone will go...HEY! GET OFF!!!! *tries to shake off wild rabid fangirl that escaped past security and was gnawing on his leg*

Ryoken- Hold still! *whips out a can of rabid-fangirl-be-gone and sprays the rabid fangirl. She suddenly disappears in a puff of smoke.*

Hiei-...I will buy that off of you.

Kurama- *getting up* Whatever prices he pays, I'll pay double.

Ryoken- HA! Sorry boys, but I'm gonna be needing this...

Kurama and Hiei- x.o

*Kurama lies back down and Hiei exits the stage, rather disappointed*

Ryoken- O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!

The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.

Happy is Hermia, wheresoe'er she lies;

For she hath blessed and attractive eyes.

How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears.

If so, my eyes are oft'ner washed than hers.

No, no! I am as ugly as a bear;

For beasts that meet me run away for fear.

Therefore no marvel though Demetrius

Do, as a monster, fly my presence thus.

What wicked and dissembling glass of mine

Made me compare with Hermia's sphery eyne?

But who is here? Lysander! on the ground?

Dead, or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.

Lysander, if you live, good sir, awake.

Kurama- *awakes and sits up* And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake.

Transparent Helena! Nature shows art,

That through thy bosom makes me see they heart.

Where is Demetrius? O, how fit a word

Is that vile name to perish on my sword!

Ryoken- Do not say so, Lysander; say not so.

What though he love your Hermia? Lord, what though?

Yet Hermia loves you; then be content.

Kurama- Content with Hermia? No! I do repend

The tedious minutes I with her have spent.

Not Hermia, but Helena I love.

Who will not change a raven for a dove?

The will of man is by his reason swayed;

And reason says you are the worthier maid.

Things growing are not ripe until their season;

So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason;

And touching now the point of human skill,

Reason becomes the marshal to my will

And leads me to your eyes; where I o'erlook

Love's stories, written in Love's richest book.

Ryoken- Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?

When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?

Is't not enough, is't not enough, you man,

That I did never, no, nor never can,

Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye,

But you must flout my insufficiency?

Good troth, you do me wrong! good sooth, you do!

In such a disdainful manner me to woo.

But fare you well. Perforce I must confess

I thought you lord of more true gentleness.

O, that a lady, of one man refuse,

Should of another therefore be abused!

(Ryoken storms off the stage.)

Kurama- She sees not Hermia. Hermia, sleep thou there,

And never mayst thou come Lysander near!

For, as a surfeit of the sweetest things

The deepest loathing to the stomach brings,

Or as the heresies that men do leave

Are hated most of those they did decieve,

So thou, my surfeit and my heresy,

Of all be hated, but the most of me!

All, all my powers, address your love and might

To honor Helen and to be her knight!

(Kurama exits in a big hurry. Yukina wakes up)

Yukina- Help me, Lysander, help me! Do thy best

To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast!

Ay me, for pity, what a dream was here!

Lysander, look how I do quake with fear.

Methought a serpent eat my heart away,

And you sat smiling at his cruel prey.

Lysander! What, removed? Lysander! lord!

What, out of hearing? gone? no sound, no word?

Alack, where are you? Speak, an if you hear.

Speak, of all loves! I swoon almost with fear.

No? Then I well perceive you are not nigh:

Either death or you I'll find immediately.

(Yukina exists and the curtain closes. Triwatch comes onstage)

Triwatch- Intermission time! The show starts again in fifteen minutes!

Sorry about the wait!


	6. Act 3, scene 1

Ok, here's act three. Not much to say, I don't know YYH or A Midsummer's Night Dream

A Yu Yu-Summer Night's Dream

By Ryoken

*Everyone in the audience has gone to the snack bar at the same time, and the line is horrendous. Ryoken has decided that perhaps Karasu and Bui need some help so she asked some of the ogres to go to kitchen duty.*

Karasu- *evil grin*

Ogres-*meep*

*Meanwhile, backstage...things are hectic. No one can go in the dressing room because they are afraid the fire might spread (the ogres hadn't been able to put the fire out inside of the fridge). The scenery was in place, but VT was still no where to be found.*

Jin- Oi, I really need a drink. Ryoken, isn't there anyplace around here a wind master might get a drink besides that bloody hell of a line?  


Ryoken- Not unless you dare to brave the flames of the refrigerator.

Jin- -_-' Aww screw it, I'm going in!!!

(Jin marches into the dressing room and immediately opens the fridge door only to have VT fall out of the fridge)

VT- JIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!! *glomps him* Look, look, I want you to meet BOB, the Unholy Rubber Duck of DOOM!!!! *holds a rubber duck with shades on in front of Jin's face and takes a drink of her Mountain Dew (don't own that either!!)* 

Jin- ^^' Er, Hello Bob.

VT- No no, his name isn't Bob, it's BOB!!

Jin- Oh, my mistake.

*VT goes running out the door. Jin tries opening the door again and faces the devils who look up at him*

Jin- Er, you wouldn't happen to have something to drink, would you?

Devil 1- Certainly! *hands him sake*

Jin- Uh, thanks!

Backstage...

*VT runs up to Ryoken. She taps her on the shoulder and she turns around*

Ryoken- Oh, you're back!

VT- Aye, captain! *hands her an over-stuffed envelope*

Ryoken- Whoa, that's a lot...

VT- Seysey!!

Ryoken- *opens the envelope and takes out one picture and then shoves it back in the envelope, sweatdropping* Holy mother of the dark gods...If these didn't have a purpose, I would give them to the refrigerator devils to burn...

VT- I know!! ^_^

Ryoken- *flinches and hides the envelope out of sight*

*VT goes running back to the dressing room, running into and glomping Yusuke along the way (Yusuke- Oo?). Triwatch comes up to Ryoken*

Triwatch- I just had a thought. Was it VT who brought those devils here?

Ryoken- Yup.

Triwatch- Aha! Pay up!

Rinku- Awwww darn it!!! *gives her the ten dollars*

*Triwatch puts the money in her pocket*

In the audience...

Genbu- Heh heh, Suzaku's part is coming up next...

Seiryu- It is? Well, it's about time.

Byakko- What is he again?

Seiryu-...A fairy.

Byakko- Oh yeah...Heh heh, hey, Genbu, you ready?

Genbu- Yes.

*Genbu whips out a video recorder AND a digital camera and hands the camera to Byakko*

Murugu- Just what in spirit world are you doing?

Genbu- Blackmailing Suzaku, what does it look like?

Seiryu- What in the three makais for?!

Byakko- He doesn't pay us enough.

Murugu and Seiryu- *sweatdrop*

*Triwatch comes out on stage*

Triwatch- The show is about to begin! If you would all please take your seats, we'll get started!

*Several demons get the bright idea to leave the auditorium because they don't want to watch the unintelligible Shakespearian play anymore. However, they are unable to escape as somehow all the exits became locked at the same time...*

VT- ^^' Ehehe...

*As everyone, well not everyone, some of the demons were going insane on the floor of the lobby, took their seats, the curtains were drawn to reveal the woods...again, re-arranged, and Botan sleeping on the floor. Chuu, Kuwabara, Jin, Touya, Rando, and Suzuka all enter with blank pieces of paper in their hands*

Kuwabara- Are we all here?

Chuu- Pat, pat *gets that what-the-hell look on his face again*; and here's a marvelous convenient place for our rehearsal. This green plot shall be our stage, this hawthorn brake our tiring house, and we will do it in action as we will do it before the duke.

Kuwabara- Peter Quince!

Chuu- What sayest thou, bully Bottom?

Kuwabara- There are things in this Comedy of Pyramus and Thisby that will never please. First, Pyramus must draw a sword to kill himself; which the ladies cannot abide. How answer you that?

Touya- By'r lakin, a parlous fear!

Suzuka- I believe we must leave the killing out, when all is done.

Kuwabara- Not a whit: I have a device to make all well. Write me a prologue; and let the prologue seem to say, we will do no harm with our swords, and that Pyramus is not killed indeed; and for the more better assurance, tell them that I Pyramus am not Pyramus, but Bottom the weaver. This will put them out of fear.

Chuu- Well, we will have such a prologue, and it shall be written in eight and six? *another look of confusion*

Kuwabara- *gets the same look* No, make it two more: let it be written in eight and eight.

Touya- Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion?

Suzuka- I fear it, I promise you.

Kuwabara- Masters, you ought to consider with yourselves, to bring in (God shield us!) a lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing. For there is not a more fearful wild-fowl than your lion living...Actually I could think of a lot worse than some old lion...

Touya- Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion.

Kuwabara- Nay, you must name his name, and half his face must be seen through the lion's neck, and he himself must speak through, saying thus, or to the same defect: "Ladies"-or "Fair ladies, I would wish you"-or "I would request you"-or "I would entreat you-not to fear, not to tremble. My life for yours! If you think I come hither as a lion, it were pity of my life. No! I am no such thing, I am a man as other men are." And there, indeed, let him name his name and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner.

Chuu- Well, it shall be so. But there is two hard things: that is, to bring the moonlight into a chamber: for, you know, Pyramus and Thisby meet by moonlight.

Kuwabara- They do?

Touya- Doth the moon shine that night we play our play?

Kuwabara- A calendar, a calendar! Look in the almanac. Find out moonshine, find out moonshine!

*Hiei takes this opportunity to throw an almanac at Kuwabara, which hits him square in the face. Chuu picks up the book and flips through it for several minutes until he finds what he was looking for*

Chuu- Yes, it doth shine that night.

Kuwabara- Why, then may you leave a casement of the great chamber window, where we play, open, and the moon may shine in at the casement.

Chuu- Ay; or else one must come in with a bush of thorns and a lantern, and say he comes to disfigure, or to present, the person of Moonshine. then there is another thing: we must have a wall in the great chamber; for Pyramus and Thisby, says the story, did talk through the chink of a wall.

Touya- You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Bottom?

Kuwabara- Some man or other must be present Wall; and let him have some plaster, or some loam...or some roughcast about him, to signify wall...? and let him hold his fingers thus; and through that cranny shall Pyramus and Thisby whisper.

Chuu- If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit down, every mother's son, and rehearse your parts. Pyramus, you begin. When you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake; and so every one according to his cue.

*enter Rinku. He stops (on his wires) behind a brush*

Rinku- What hempen homespuns have we swagg'ring here,

So near the cradle of the Fairy Queen?

What, a play toward? I'll be an auditor;

An actor too perhaps, if I see cause.

Chuu- Speak, Pyramus. Thisby, stand forth.

Kuwabara- Thisby, the flowers of odious savors sweet-

Chuu- Odorous! odorous!

Kuwabara- odors savors sweet;

So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisby dear.

But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile,

And by-and-by I will to thee appear. 

*Kuwabara exits on the right side of the stage, even though he was supposed to exit on the left*

Rinku- A stranger Pyramus than e'er played here! *exits too, but on the left*

Jin- Must I speak now?

Chuu- Ay, marry, must you; for you must understand he goes but to see a noise that he heard, and is to come again.

Jin- *In a high pitched voice* Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue,

Of color like the red rose on triumphant brier,

Most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely Jew,

As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire,

I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb.

Chuu- "Ninus' tomb," man! Why, you must not speak that yet. That you answer to Pyramus. You speak all your part at once, cues and all. Pyramus, enter. Your cue is past; it is "never tire."

Jin- O- As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire.

*Kuwabara enters with a donkey mask on, followed by Rinku. The entire audience laughs and can't seem to stop laughing*

Kuwabara- *getting pissed* If I were fair, Thisby, I were only thine.

Chuu- O monstrous! O strange! We are haunted. Pray, masters! Fly, masters! Help! 

*Everyone runs off stage like hell has broken loose. Jin even goes so far as to jump off of the stage and exits through one of the doors that leads to the lobby, flying all the way. The audience claps for an encore.*

Rinku-*viciously* I'll follow you; I'll lead you about a round,

Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier:

Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,

A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;

And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,

Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.

*Rinku then exits*

Kuwabara- Why do they run away? This is a knavery of them to make me afeard.

*Touya re-enters, trying not to laugh, but not succeeding very well*

Touya- O Bottom, th-thou art changed! Wha-what do I see on thee?

Kuwabara- *angrily* What do you see? You see an ass-head of your own, do you?

*Touya tries to exit, but falls on his face from laughing. He gets up and leaves. Chuu enters, but isn't laughing*

Chuu- Bless thee, Bottom! bless thee! Thou art translated. 

*He then calmly exits. (A.N.- Oo Weirdo...)

Kuwabara- I see their knavery: this is to make an ass of me; to fright me, if they could. But I will not stir from this place, do what they can: I will walk up and down here, and I will sing, that they shall hear I am not afraid. *starts to sing, but off-key*

The woosel cock so black of hue,

With orange-tawny bill,

The throstle with his note so true,

The wren with little quill-

Botan- *wakes and sits up.* What angel wakes me from my flow'ry bed?

*Botan, and the rest of the audience winces from Kuwabara's singing*

Kuwabara- The finch, the sparrow, and the lark,

The plain-song cuckoo gray,

Whose note full many a man doth mark,

And dares not answer nay.

For, indeed, who would set his wit to so foolish a bird? Who would give a bird the lie, though he cry "cuckoo" never so?

Botan- I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again.

Mine ear is much enamored of thy note;

Everyone in the audience, and even some who aren't- NOOOO, DON'T SING AGAIN!!!!!!

-So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape;

And thy fair virtue's force (perforce) doth move me,

On the first view, to say, to swear, I love thee.

Kuwabara- Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for that. And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays. The more the pity that some honest neighbors will not make them friends. Nay, I can gleek, upon occasion. *another confused look at the word gleek*

Botan- Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.

Kuwabara- Not so, neighter; but if I had wit enough to get out of this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn.

Botan- Out of this wood do not desire to go:

Thou shalt remain here, whether thou wilt or no.

I am a spirit of no common rate,

The summer still doth tend upon my state;

And I do love thee. Therefore go with me.

I'll give thee faeries to attend on thee;

And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,

And sing while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep;

And I will purge thy mortal grossness so

That thou shalt like an airy spirit go.

Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustardseed!

*Enter Shizuru, Genkai(younger, but not youngest form), Koenma in his baby form, and Suzaku dressed as fairies. They all have their arms crossed as though they too, wanted to be anywhere but there. Genbu and Byakko begin to secretly tape and photograph their blackmail, but without (strangely) Suzaku noticing*

*they all have a lack of enthusiasm*

Shizuru- Ready.

Genkai- And I.

Koenma- And I.

Suzaku- And I.

All- Where shall we go?

Botan- Be kind and courteous to this gentleman.

Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes;

Feed him with apricocks and dewberries,

With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries;

The honey-bags steal from the humblebees,

And for night tapers crop their waxen thighs,

And light them at the fiery glowworm's eyes,

To have my love to bed and to arise;

And pluck the wings from painted butterflies

To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes.

Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.

Shizuru- Hail, mortal.

Genkai- Hail.

Koenma- Hail.

Suzaku- Hail.

Kuwabara- I cry your worships mercy, heartily. I beseech your worship's name.

Genkai- *sweatdrop* Cobweb.

Kuwabara- I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master Cobweb. If I cut my finger, I shall make bold with you. Your name, honest gentleman?

Shizuru- *hits Kuwabara* That's gentleWOman, you baka. Peaseblossom.

Kuwabara-*Now with a blackeye* Right. I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash, your mother, and to Master Peascod, your father. Good Master Peaseblossom, I shall desire you of more acquaintance too. Your name, I beseech you, sir?

Suzaku- Mustardseed.

Kuwabara- Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well. That same cowardly, giant-like ox-beef hath devoured many a gentleman of your house. I promise you your kindred hath made my eyes water ere now. I desire you of more acquaintance, good Master Mustardseed.

*Suzaku raises an eyebrow. What the hell did he just say?!*

Botan- Come wait upon him; lead him to my bower.

The moon, methinks, looks with a wat'ry eye;

And when she weeps, weeps every little flower,

Lamenting some enforced chastity.

Tie up my love's tongue, bring him silently.

*Everyone exits and the curtains close as they prepare for the next scene. Kuwabara tries to take off the mask until his next part comes, but it's stuck on his head. Ryoken is heard whistling softly in the background.*

Kuwabara- Hey, someone help me outta this thing!!!

Hiei- Why? I think it's a nice improvement.

Kuwabara- Grrrrrr, when I get my hands on you, Shrimp!!!!

*Kuwabara starts to chase after Hiei, who promptly disappears using his speed, but he trips and falls flat on his face, making everyone roar with laughter again.*

Tune in for the next scene, sometime in the future, when I get off my lazy ass to do it ^^ 


	7. Act 3, scene 2

Disclaimer- I don't own them already, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DAMN IT?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

This particular chapter has been dedicated to Kitsune's_Grrl for brightening up my crappy-ass day! Tank ye! *bows*

A Yu Yu-Summer Night's Dream

By Ryoken

Genbu- Ha ha, this will be great payback!!

Byakko- Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on his face!!

*The two burst out laughing as Seiryu and Murugu sweatdrop*

*As we enter through the backstage door, we see Kuwabara still trying to get his mask off, which Ryoken had glued beforehand. The stage is set, courtesy of VT's snapping powers, and all seems ready...until...*

Koenma- *is coming from the bathroom in baby form* Ryoken?!!? RYOKEN!?!?!?!?!?

Ryoken- OW!!!! What, I'm standing right here...

Koenma- RYOKEN, do you have ANY idea what night it is?!

Ryoken- No...why?

Koenma- OO. oh man, we're so screwed...It's a full-moon tonight!!! Didn't you realize that?!

Ryoken- Oh shit...Please tell me you're joking...?

Koenma- *shakes head back and forth rapidly* WOULD I JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!!?!?!?!?!?

Ryoken- Judging by the screaming in my ear, I guess not.

*Ryoken and Koenma run to the bathroom as fast as possible. However, when they open the door, Kurama had finished his transformation as Yoko stood up from the floor, still wearing the outfit that Kurama had once been wearing, although it looked a lot like what Yoko usually wears...*

Ryoken- Helloooo... *Koenma slaps the back of her head* OW!!

*Yoko swiftly turns around in a fighting position, but realizes it's only Koenma and Ryoken and relaxes*

Triwatch-*From the stage* Five minutes until curtain time!

Ryoken- Uh *something whooshes past her. She turns to hear a "YOKO!!!!!!!"* oh...

*VT's arms are locked around Yoko's waist in a glomp, and not a very pleasant one at that.*

Yoko- What the...!? Oh no...It's you again...

Ryoken- VT, we're on in five minutes, we don't have time for you to be glomping him right now!!!

VT- NO! My Yoko. ^_^ *strokes his tail*

Yoko- Grrrr, leave my tail alone, onna! And get off of me!

Ryoken- Koenma, how long until Yoko turns back into Kurama?

Koenma- Not until morning, I believe.

Ryoken- Yoko, do you know the lines?!?!

Yoko- *looks up from trying to pry VT off of him* The what..?

*Ryoken thinks for a moment, and then a light bulb turns on above her head*

Ryoken- Hey VT, there's some McDonald's French fries over at the snack bar!!

VT- OO!!!!!!! *She runs so fast that she leaves behind a her image in smoke*

*Ryoken grabs Yoko's arm and drags him towards the stage, explaining the situation as they went, Koenma following behind them. As they reached the stage, the cast looked on in nervousness. After she was done, Kuwabara came up to her, having given up on getting the ass's head off.*

Kuwabara- Are you sure it's safe to have Yoko here??? I mean, considering what happened in the dark tournament-

Ryoken- Sure, what could he possibly do that would ruin the play? ^_^

Kuwabara- OO''

Ryoken- Now, places everybody!

*The curtain is pulled back to reveal the woods again. Koenma as Oberon enters*

Koenma- I wonder if Titania be awaked;

Then, what it was that next came in her eye,

Which she must dote on in extremity.

*Rinku enters in on his wires*

Here comes my messenger. How now, mad spirit?

What night-rule now about this haunted grove?

Rinku- My mistress with a monster is in love.

Near to her close and consecrated bower,

White she was in her dull and sleeping hour,

A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,

That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,

Were met together to rehearse a play,

Intended for great Theseus' nuptial day.

The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort,

Who Pyramus presented in their sport,

Forsook his scene and ent'red in a brake.

When I did him at this advantage take,

An ass's nole I fixed on his head.

Anon his Thisby must be answered,

And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy,

As wild geese that the creeping fowler eye,

Or russet-pated choughs, man in sort,

Rising and cawing at the gun's report,

Sever themselves and madly sweep the sky;

So at this sight away his fellows fly;

And, at our stamp, here o'er and o'er one falls;

He murder cries and help from Athens calls.

Their sense thus weak, lost with their dears thus strong,

Made senseless things begin to do them wrong;

For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch;

Some, sleeves-some, hats; from yielders all things catch.

I led them on in this distracted fear

And left sweet Pyramus translated there;

When in that moment (so it came to pass)

Titania waked, and straightway loved an ass.

Koenma- This falls out better than I could devise.

But hast thou yet latched the Athenian's eyes

With the love-juice, as I did big thee do?

Rinku- I took him sleeping (that is finished too)

And the Athenian woman by his side,

That, when he waked of force she must be eyed.

*Enter Yukina and Hiei, in that order*

Koenma- Stand close. This is the same Athenian.

Rinku- This is the woman, but not this the man.

Hiei- O, why rebuke you him that loves you so?

Lay breath so bitter on your bitter foe.

Yukina- Now I but chide; but I should use thee worse,

For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse.

If thou hast slain Lysander in his sleep,

Being o'er shoes in blood, plunge in the deep,

And kill me too.

The sun was not so true unto the day

As he to me. Would he have stolen away

From sleeping Hermia? I'll believe as soon

This whole earth may be bored, and that the moon

May through the centre creep, and so displease

Her brother's noontide with the Antipodes.

It cannot be but thou hast murd'red him.

So should a murderer look, so dead, so grim.

Hiei- So should the murdered look, and so should I,

Pierced through the heart with your stern cruelty.

Yet you, the murderer, look as bright, as clear,

As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere.

Yukina- What's this to my Lysander? Where is he?

Ah, good Demetrius, wilt thou give him me?

Hiei- I had rather give his carcass to my hounds.

Yukina- Out, dog! out, cur! Thou driv'st me past the bounds

Of maiden's patience. Hast thou slain him then?

Henceforth be never numb'red among men!

O, once tell true! tell true, even for my sake!

Durst thou have looked upon him, being awake?

And hast thou killed him sleeping? O brave touch!

Could not a worm, an adder, do so much?

An adder did it; for with doubler tongue

Than thine (thou serpent!) never adder stung.

Hiei-*even though it's just an act, it still hurts him(aww, poor Hiei. It's ok!)* You spend your passion on a misprised mood.

I am not guilty of Lysander's blood;

Nor is he dead, for aught that I can tell.

Yukina- I pray thee, tell me then that he is well.

Hiei- An if I could, what should I get therefore?

Yukina-A privilege never to see me more;

And from thy hated presense part I so.

See me no more, whether he be dead or no.

*Yukina exits*

Hiei- There is no following her in this pierce vein:

Here therefore for a while I will remain.

So sorrow's heaviness doth heavier grow

For debt that bankrout sleep doth sorrow owe;

Which now in some slight measure it will pay,

If for his tender here I make some stay.

*sits down and sleeps against a tree*

Koenma- What hast thou done? Thou hast mistaken quite

And laid the love-juice on some true-love's sight.

Of thy misprision must perforce ensue

Some true-love turned, and not a false turned true.

Rinku- Then fate o'errules, that, one man holding troth,

A million fail, confounding oath on oath.

Koenma- About the wood go swifter than the wing,

And Helena of Athens look thou find.

All fancy-sick she is, and pale of cheer

With sighs of love, that costs the fresh blood dear.

By some illusion see thou bring her here.

I'll charm his eyes against she do appear.

Rinku- I go, I go! Look how I go! Hey that's too fast, SLOW DOWN!!! *hits a tree head first*

*with a shaky voice* Swifter than an arrow from the Tartar's bow. 

*Rinku exits, but half unconscious. Ryoken puts some smelling salts under his nose which quickly brings him around*

Koenma- Flower of this purple dye,

Hit with Cupid's archery,

Sink in apple of his eye!

When his love he doth espy,

Let her shine as gloriously

As the Venus of the sky.

When thou wak'st, if she be by,

Beg of her for remedy.

*Enter Rinku again, but his eyes is swelling*

Rinku- Captain of our fairy band,

Helena is here at hand,

And the youth, mistook by me,

Pleading for a lover's fee.

Shall we their fond pageant see?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Koenma- Stand aside: the noise they made

Will cause Demetrius to awake.

Rinku-Then will two at once woo one.

That must needs be sport alone;

And those things do best please me

That befall prepost'rously.

*Enter Ryoken and Yoko. Yoko is holding the script in his hands. Some of the fangirls swoon, others try to get up on stage, although security is holding them back with some of the glomp-be-gone, and Yoko raises an eyebrow at them before saying his line*

Yoko- *sometimes looking up from the script*Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?

Scorn and derision never come in tears:

look, when I vow, I weep; and vows so born,

In their nativity all truth appears.

How can these things in me seem scorn to you,

Bearing the badge of faith to prove them true?

Ryoken-You do advance your cunning more and more.

When truth kills truth, O devilish-holy fray!

These vows are Hermia's. Will you give her o'er?

Weigh oath with oath, and you will nothing weigh.

Your vows to her and me, put in two scales,

Will even weigh, and both as light as tales.

Yoko- I had no judgement when to her I swore.

Ryoken- Nor none, in my mind, now you give her o'er.

Yoko- Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you.

Hiei-*pretending to awaken and his gets up* O Helen, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!

To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?

Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show

Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!

That pure congealed white, high Taurus' snow,

Fanned with the eastern wind, turns to a crow

When thou hold'st up thy hand: O, let me kiss

This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss!

Ryoken- O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent

To set against me for your merriment.

If you were civil and knew courtesy,

You would not do me thus much injury.

Can you not hate me, as I know you do,

But you must join in souls to mock me too?

If you were men, as men you are in show,

You would not use a gentle lady so;

To vow, and swear, and superpraise my parts,

When I am sure you hate me with your hearts.

You both are rivals, and love Hermia;

And now both rivals to mock Helena.

A trim exploit, a manly enterprise,

To conjure tears up in a poor maid's eyes

With your derision! None of noble sort

Would so offend a virgin and extort

A poor soul's patience, all to make you sport.

Yoko- You are unkind, Demetrius. Be not so!

For you love Hermia; this you know I know;

And here, with all good will, with all my heart,

In Hermia's love I yield you up my part;

And yours of Helena to me bequeath,

Whom I do love, and will do to my death.

Ryoken- Never did mockers waste more idle breath.

Hiei- Lysander, keep thy Hermia, I will none:

if e'er I loved her, all that love is gone.

My heart to her but as guestwise sojourned,

And now to Helen is it home returned,

There to remain.

Yoko- Helen, it is not so.

Hiei- Disparage not the faith thou dost not know,

Lest, to thy peril, thou aby it dear.

look where thy love comes; yonder is thy dear.

*Yukina enters, pretending to look confused*

Yukina- Dark night, that from the eye his function takes,

The ear more quick of apprehension makes.

wherein it doth impair the seeing sense,

it pays the hearing double recompense.

tou art not by mine eye, Lysander, found;

mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound.

But why unkindly didst thou leave me so?

Yoko- Why should he stay whom love doth press to go?

Yukina- What love could press Lysander from my side?

Yoko- Lysander's love, that would not let him bide,

Fair Helena; who more engilds the night

Than all yon fiery oes and eyes of light.

Why seek'st thou me? Could not this make thee know,

The hate I bare thee made me leave thee so?

Yukina- You speak not as you think; it cannot be.

Ryoken- Lo, she is one of this confederacy!

now I percieve they have conjoined all three

To fashion this false sport in spite of me.

Injurious Hermia! most ungrateful maid!

have you conspired, have you with these contrived

To bait me with this foul derision?

Is all the counsel that we two have shared,

The sisters' vows, the hours that we have spent

When we have chid the hasty-footed time

For parting us- O, is all forgot?

All schooldays friendship, childhood innocence?

We, Hermia, like two artificial gods,

Have with our needles created both one flower,

Both on one sampler, sitting on one cushion,

Both warbling of one song, both in one key;

As if our hands, our sides, voices, and minds

Had been incorporate. So we grow together,

Like to a double cherry, seeming parted,

But yet an union in partition-

Two lovely berries moulded on one stem;

So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart;

Two of the first, like coats in heraldry,

Due but to one, and crowned with one crest.

And will you rent our ancient love asunder,

To join with men in scorning your poor friend?

It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly!

our sex, as well as I, may chide you for it,

Though I alone do feel the injury.

Yukina- I am amazed at your passionate words.

I scorn you not. It seems you scorn me.

Ryoken- Have you not set Lysander, as in scorn,

To follow me and praise my eyes and face?

and made your other love, Demetrius

(who even but now did spurn me with his foot),

to call me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare,

precious, celestial? Wherefore speaks he this

to her he hates? And wherefore doth Lysander

Deny your love (so rich within his soul)

and tender me (forsooth) affection,

but by your setting on, by your consent?

What though I be not so in grace as you,

So hung upon with love, so fortunate;

but miserable most, to love unloved?

This you should pity rather than despise.

Yukina- I understand not what you mean by this.

Ryoken- Ay, do! persever, counterfeit sad looks,

make mouths upon me when I turn my back,

wink each at other, hold the sweet jest up:

This sport, well carried, shall be chronicled.

If you have any pity, grace, or manners,

You would not make me such an argument.

But fare ye well. 'Tis partly my own fault,

Which death or absence soon shall remedy.

Yoko- Stay, gentle Helena; hear my excuse,

My love, my life, my soul, fair Helena!

Ryoken- O excellent!

Yukina- Sweet, do not scorn her so.

Hiei- if he cannot entreat, I can compel.

Yoko- Thou canst compel no more than she entreat.

Thy threats have no more strength than her weak prayers.

Helen, I love thee; by my life, I do!

I swear by that which I will lose for thee

To prove him false that says I love thee not.

Hiei- I say I love thee more than he can do.

Yoko- If thou say so, withdraw and prove it too.

Hiei-*draws his sword* Quick, come! *Yoko throws his script away and take out his whip, thinking they were really going to fight*

Yukina- Lysander, whereto tends all this?

Yoko-...

Ryoken- *whispering* Uh, Yoko, you have a line.

Yoko- Hm? *goes and picks up the script he tossed aside* Away, you Ethiope!

Yukina- *hangs onto Yoko's arm* No, no; he'll-

Hiei- Seem to break loose, take on as you would follow,

But yet come not. You are a tame man, go!

Yoko-*tries to pull his arm away* hang off, thou cat, thou burr! Vile thing, let loose,

Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent!

Yukina- Why are you grown so rude? What change is this, Sweet love?

Yoko- Thy love? Out, tawny Tartar, out!

Out, loathed med-cine! O hated potion, hence!

Yukina- Do you not jest?

Ryoken- Yes, sooth! and so do you.

Yoko- Demetrius, I will keep my word with thee.

Hiei- I would I had your bond; for I perceive

A weak bond holds you. I'll not trust your word.

Yoko- What, should I hurt her, strike her, kill her dead?

Although I hate her, I'll not harm her so.

Yukina- *let's go*What, can you do me greater harm than hate?

Hate me? Wherefore? O me! what news, my love?

Am I not Hermia? Are you not Lysander?

I am as fair now as I was erewhile.

Since night you loved me; yet since night you left me.

Why then, you left me (O, the gods forbid!)

In earnest, shall I say?

Yoko- Ay, by my life!

And never did desire to see thee more.

Therefore be out of hope, of question, doubt;

Be certain, nothing truer, 'tis no jest

That I do hate thee, and love Helena.

Yukina- *To Ryoken* O me! you juggler! you canker blossom!

You thief of love! What, have you come by night

And stol'n my love's heart from him?

Ryoken- Fine, i' faith!

Have you no modesty, no maiden shame,

No touch of bashfulness? What, will you tear

Impatient answers from my gentle tongue?

Fie, fie! you counterfeit, you puppet you!

Yukina- Puppet? Why, so! Ay, that way goes the game.

Now I perceive that she hath made compare

between our statures; she hath urged her height,

And with her personage, her tall personage,

Her height (forsooth), she hath prevailed with him.

And are you grown so high in his esteem

Because I am so dwarfish and so low?

how low am I, thou painted maypole? Speak!

How low am I? I am not yet so low

But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes.

From the audience...

Reisho- CAT FIGHT!!!!!

*?????? throws a pitcher of strawberry kool-aid at Reisho. He is now dripping in the stuff.*

Reisho- HEY WHO THREW THAT?!!?!?!? This a new uniform!!!

Togoru brothers- *snicker*

Back onstage...

Ryoken- I pray you, though you mock me, gentlemen,

Let her not hurt me. I was never curst;

I have no gift at all in shrewishness;

I am a right maid for my cowardice.

Let her not strike me. You perhaps may think,

Because she is something lower than myself,

That I can match her.

Yukina- Lower? Hark again!

Ryoken- Good Hermia, do not be so bitter with me.

I evermore did love you, Hermia,

Did ever keep your counsels, never wronged you;

Save that, in love unto Demetrius,

I told him of your stealth unto this wood.

He followed you; for love I followed him;

But he hath chid me hence, and threat'ned me

To strike me, purn me; nay, to kill me too.

And now, so you will let me quiet go,

To Athens will I bear my folly back

And follow you no futher. Let me go.

You see how simple and how fond I am.

Yukina- Why, get you gone! Who is't that hinders you?

Ryoken- A foolish heart, that I leave here behind.

Yukina- What, with Lysander?

Ryoken- With Demetrius.

Yoko- Be not afraid, she shall not harm thee, Helena.

Hiei- No, sir, she shall not, though you take her part.

Ryoken- O, when she is angry, she is keen and shrewd!

She was a vixen when she went to school,

And though she be but little, she is fierce.

Yukina- "Little" again? nothing but "low" and "little"?

Why will you suffer her to flout me thus?

Let me come to her. *starts to advance, but stops when Yoko says his lines*

Yoko- Get you gone, you dwarf!

You minimus, of hind'ring knotgrass made!

You bead, you acorn!

Hiei- You are too officious

In her behalf that scorns your services.

Let her alone. Speak not of Helena;

Take not her part; for if thou dost intend

Never so little show of love to her,

Thou shalt aby it.

Yoko- Now she holds me not.

*To Hiei and readys his whip again* now follow, if thou dar'st, to try whose right,

Of thine or mine, is most in Helena.

Hiei- Follow? Nay, I'll go with thee, cheek my jowl.

*Hiei and Yoko exit, Hiei pretending like he's about to begin fighting, Yoko actually thinking they're going to fight. In the background you can hear the battle going on as everyone backstage tries to explain to him that it's just an act*

Yukina- You, mistress, all this coil is 'long of you.

Nay, go not back.

Ryoken- *As fast as possible*I will not trust, I,

Nor longer stay in your curst company.

You Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray;

My legs are longer thouh, to run away. 

*Ryoken hurries offstage to help stop the fighting*

Yukina-*also hurriedly* I am amazed, and know not what to say.

*Yukina exits*

Koenma- This is thy negligence. Still thou mistak'st,

Or else commit'st thy knaveries wilfully.

Rinku- Believe me, king of shadows, I mistook.

Did not you tell me I should know the man

By the Athenian garments he had on?

And so far blameless proves my enterprise

That I have 'noited an Athenian's eyes;

And so far am I glad it so did sort,

As this their jangling I esteem a sport.

Koenma- Take this herb and fix it, fairy boy. *throws Rinku the bag he was carrying*

Rinku- My fairy lord, this must be done with haste,

For night's swift dragons cut the clouds full fast,

And yonder shines-

Koenma- Just shut up and go already!

Rinku- Ok, ok, fine!!

*Koenma exits the stage. The noise finally seems to settle down*

Rinku- Up and down, up and down,

I will lead them up and down:

I am feared in field and town.

Goblin, lead them up and down.

Oooooo, here comes one!

*Yoko enters, reviving the fangirls' efforts to get up on stage. Seeing as his rose whip is still out and some of his hair is out of place from the battle*

Yoko- Where art thou, proud Demetrius? Speak thou now.

*Rinku moves his mouth, but instead, with the help of computer-technology, (actually just another microphone) Hiei's voice speaks.

Rinku/Hiei- here, villian, draw and ready. Where art thou?

Yoko- I will be with thee straight.

Rinku/Hiei- Follow me then

To plainer ground.

*Yoko exits. Hiei enters, his sword drawn and his hair a lot more out of place than Yoko's. Hiei-fangirls swoon*

Hiei- *sweatdrop* Lysander, speak again!

Thou runaway, thou coward, art thou fled?

Speak! In some bush? Where dost thou hide thy head?

*Now instead of Hiei's voice coming out of Rinku's mouth, it's Yoko's*

Rinku/Yoko- Thou coward, art thou bragging to the stars,

And wilt not come? Come, recreant! come, thou child!

That draws a sword on thee.

Hiei- Yea, art thou there?

Rinku/Yoko- Follow my voice. We'll try no manhood here.

*Rinku exits with Hiei "following him". Yoko enters*

Yoko- He goes before me and still dares me on;

When I come where he calls, then he is gone.

The villain is much lighter-heeled than I.

I followed fast, but faster he did fly,

That fallen am I in dark uneven way,

And here will rest me. *he lies down on his side. Come, thou gentle day!

For if but once thou show me thy grey light,

I'll find Demetrius and revenge this spite. *pretends to sleep as a microphone is given to him from under the background prop*

*Enter Rinku and Hiei, Hiei still following Rinku, although not looking up at him*

Rinku/Yoko- Ho, ho, ho! Coward, why com'st thou not?

Hiei- Abide me, if thou dar'st; for well I wot

Thou run'st before me, shifting every place,

And dar'st not stand nor look me in the face.

Where art thou now?

Rinku- come hither; I am here.

Hiei- Nay then, thou mock'st me. Thou shalt buy this dear

If ever I thy face by daylight see.

Now, go thy way: faintness constraineth me

To measure out my length on this cold bed.

By day's approach look to be visited.

*Hiei lies down and sleeps somewhere away from Yoko. Enter Ryoken*

Ryoken- O weary night, O long and tedious night,

Abate thy hours! Shine comforts from the East,

That I may back to Athens by daylight

From these that my poor company detest;

And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow's eye,

Steal me awhile from mine own company.

*lies down somewhere away from Hiei and Yoko*

Rinku- yet but three? Come one more:

Two of both kinds makes up four.

here she comes, curst and sad.

Cupid is a knavish lad

Thus to make poor females mad.

*Enter Yukina*

Yukina- never so weary, never so in woe;

bedabbled with the dew, and torn with briers;

I can no futher crawl, no futher go;

My legs can keep no pace with my desires.

Here will I rest me till the break of day.

Heavens shield Lysander, if they mean a fray!

*Lies down and sleep somewhere away from the three*

Rinku- On the ground

Sleep sound.

I'll apply

To your eye,

Gentle lover, remedy.

* "applies" the herb from the bag to Yoko's eyes*

When thou wak'st

Thou tak'st

True delight

In the sight

Of thy former lady's eye;

And the country proverb know,

That every man should take his own,

In your waking shall be shown:

Jack shall have Jill;

Naught shall go ill;

The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well.

*Rinku exits and the curtains close. Everyone gets up off of the floor. Triwatch goes onstage.*

Triwatch- Intermission time!!

Genbu- Great! Let's see if we can get these photo's developed in time for the end of the intermission!

Seiryu- I thought the doors of the theater were locked?

Genbu- Oh yeah...DAMNIT!

Backstage...

Yoko- Is this thing over now?

Ryoken- No, there's still two acts left.

Yoko- WHAT?!!?!?!?!?!? Two more acts?!!?!? Grrrrrr, picked a fine night to come out...

*Suddenly Yoko seems to be in pain as he changes back into Kurama*

Kurama- *sitting on the floor* ??? What in the world...?

Ryoken- Aww nuts *upon seeing Koenma getting ready to elbow her* I mean, uh, welcome back, Kurama!!!! ^^' *hugs him and helps him up*

Kurama- *very confused* Oo?

Ryoken- It's a long story...*she goes into describing what happened*

*VT comes back empty-handed*

VT- I searched every part of that snack bar plus the kitchen and I couldn't find any McDonald's French- Hey, where'd Yoko go?!!?!?!?

Ryoken- Uh, erm, he had to go, uh steal something!!! Yeah, that's it!

Kurama- *still bewildered*

VT- And he didn't say goodbye?!!?!?

Ryoken- Er, uh, no, he said he was in a hurry! ^^'

VT- Oh. *Without realization* Oh hi Kurama. *goes back into the dressing room to hang out with the demons of the refrigerator*

Triwatch- *comes up to Ryoken*- Are those demons still in the refrigerator?

Ryoken- Yup.

Triwatch- HA! I win again!

Rinku- DAMN IT!!! I'm gonna lose my whole allowance if this keeps up! *gives her a hundred*

And I think we'll stop right there for today! ^_^ Enjoy, my reviewers!!!


End file.
